okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
