I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
