You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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