Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
