i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
