MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
