What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
