he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
