I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
