Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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