i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
