If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
