bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize