Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
