Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
