yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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