You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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