Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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