I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
