Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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