last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
