yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
