Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
