I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize