I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
