I just threw up on my dentist
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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