This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Say something about gay babies.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize