i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
