i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You can't motorboat a personality
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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