How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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