oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
