There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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