i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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