The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
