haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
