this just has baby written all over it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
