Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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