Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
