so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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