She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's the barista slut.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
