Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
