I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
