And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
