hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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