she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
