I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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