Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
