Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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