Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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