I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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