I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he thought i was a dude.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i've created a new STD.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
