i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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