I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
