I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
