Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish they made helmets for livers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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