I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize