I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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