summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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