Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
