after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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