just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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