I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
