i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
