i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
